If you Handbags Replica dress up like a machine gun toting

8 Criminals Who Took Dumbassery to Staggering Heights

cheap replica handbags Sometimes I ponder trying my hand at being a Replica Handbags criminal mastermind. Like if I really stopped to cheap replica handbags think about it, Replica Designer Handbags couldn’t I pull off a really great heist? The Fake Handbags reason most criminals get caught is probably lack of Replica Bags Wholesale planning. For instance, how many people just commit Replica Bags a robbery instead of a heist? The moment it becomes a heist, you’ve really elevated the whole scene. It’s like Crunch Berries in your Cap’n Crunch that stuff was just half a bowl of manky sugar shit previously, and now it’s a goddamn meal. But then I read about dummies like these people, and I think replica handbags china maybe I’ll just start Fake Handbags getting stupider KnockOff Handbags as I commit my crimes and it’ll be hopeless. cheap replica handbags

Replica Bags Let’s roleplay (for you Aussie and/or Kiwi ladies, you keep what you’re thinking under your hat and we’ll chat later on Twitter. I’ll get my schoolgirl uniform ready). I want you to pretend you’re underage replica handbags online and wanting to get drunk. You’re a bit of a shady troublemaker, not above committing crimes, and you’re also desperately, hopelessly stupid. Like if a scientist was looking Replica Bags Wholesale at your brain, he might call wholesale replica designer handbags in a colleague just so other people high quality replica handbags could cheap replica handbags marvel at how dumb you are. So it goes without saying that you’re also at Applebee’s. Now, how do you get purse replica handbags a drink? Replica Bags

replica handbags online If you answered use a stolen ID, you’re still not thinking dumb enough. No scientist is marveling at how misshapen and useless your lobes are. No, what you meant to say is use an ID stolen from the waitress who is currently serving you. Yes, that’s quite https://www.ermobags.com stupid. replica handbags online

KnockOff Handbags This circus of buffoonery occurred in Lakewood, Colorado, when a waitress lost her ID, only to Replica Bags have it turn up again two weeks later when a customer came into the Applebee’s where she worked and handed it right to her while ordering drinks. The waitress acted quickly, not even wiping high quality replica handbags the drool off of the card, and just handed it back to the exceptionally shitty identity thief before going to call the cops. KnockOff Handbags

replica handbags china Fletcher’s final crime spree saw him rifling through three schools only six days after getting out of prison and stealing a whopping $3.60. I’ve walked through schools and accidentally stolen more money than that. There’s more money than that in my couch right now. You know, a GPS tracking device that they slap on Lohans every now and then? And if you were also listing why it’s a bad idea to steal these things, you might point out that the only reason those monitors exist is to track the movements of criminals, meaning if you have it in your possession, you are being monitored by law enforcement. So Replica Bags it must have been after a few cans of Duster in his system that a 40 year old man in Wisconsin cheap replica handbags spied one on someone’s porch and then sticky fingered it back wholesale replica designer handbags to Replica Designer Handbags his own home. replica handbags china

Fake Designer Bags The monitor was originally owned by someone on house arrest. She still had the ankle bracelet on, but the stolen device was sort of the central hub, the tether, if Wholesale Replica Bags you will, that kept her grounded to her house. It stays put and she stays put. If it leaves, well, satellites track Fake Designer Bags it where it goes because it’s not supposed to leave. Fake Designer Bags

purse replica handbags Only two options make sense in this scenario: The thief either didn’t know what he was stealing or he Replica Bags did. If he did, then he probably eats a lot of lead paint, because stealing something that tells police where you are is a terrible idea. If he didn’t, then replica bags what kind of compulsive kleptomaniac is this man that KnockOff Handbags he sees just a random device on someone’s porch and decides “That thing is gonna be mines”?Derrick Mosley is wholesale replica designer handbags probably not all that bright. Like, have you ever had a cat and watched it chasing something so intently that it just ran headfirst into a wall? Imagine that moment when the cat just bounces off the wall being encapsulated inside a man. That man may very well be Derrick Mosley. purse replica handbags

Designer Fake Bags In need of some cash but lacking the brainpower to fathom a way to get it that didn’t involve smashing stuff, Mosley took his baseball bat from the mantel and headed out into the world to seek his fortune. Would he pan for gold? Invent a newer, better dildo? Of course not. He would rob a store. A gun store. Designer Fake Bags

Designer Replica Bags In this case, Clyde Gardner took a page from the Nic Cage opus The Wicker Man. Did he run afoul of a vagicentric island full of beekeepers? Did he wonder aloud how that doll got burned? Better. He schemed to dress up like Handbags Replica a bear and commit unwholesome murder! Designer Replica Bags

wholesale replica designer handbags Gardner’s plan was to find a real life bear and kill it. How? Who knows, maybe give it an aneurysm by explaining this dumb shit plan. Once the bear was Fake Designer Bags dead, he would skin it. Then he would dress up in the skin and wait outside his girlfriend’s home. Once she took out the garbage, he would attack her, in the bear skin, and use the bear claws to maul her to death, thus ensuring that the evidence pointed entirely to a Wholesale Replica Bags bear as the culprit. It was almost too easy. wholesale replica designer handbags

Handbags Replica How did his plan fail? Gardner got lazy and changed plans, instead just asking a buddy if he wouldn’t mind running his girlfriend over instead. The most famous is inviting parole violators to come to the high quality replica handbags police station to pick up a boat or a vacation they won, which somehow actually duped a good number of idiots into showing up. Handbags Replica

aaa replica designer handbags Managing to be even more brazen were police in Marathon, Florida, who found a small grow operation and seized all the plants, leaving behind nothing but a ransom note that basically said if you want your pot back, call to negotiate. So Steve Locasio called. aaa replica designer handbags

Replica Designer Handbags John Lund/Blend Images/Getty Images Replica Designer Handbags

Fake Handbags Putting on a disguise to commit a crime is not a half bad idea. Why use your real face when Fake Handbags so many masks are available? And the better the disguise, the better your chances of getting away, right? That’s pretty much the key, though, that “better” part. Which is to say a shitty disguise gives you a shitty chance of pulling off your little scheme. If you Handbags Replica dress up like a machine gun toting elephant with a bloody erection, that’s an awful disguise. People will remember that and be able to say they saw you running south or whatever. Likewise, if you do what Dennis Hawkins replica handbags china did, you will also get caught. Fake Handbags

Replica Handbags Hawkins, a bank robber, put on some clown wholesale replica designer handbags pants, a blonde wig, and a pair of sweet, fake titties. Also his big, manly black mustache and goatee combo. Using a BB gun, he held up the bank and escaped to a car, Fake Handbags forcing the owner out. She called Wholesale Replica Bags the police while Hawkins sat in the driver’s seat and opened his bag of loot, setting off the dye pack inside and adding a nice layer Designer Replica Bags of red paint to his disguise. This either crushed Hawkins’ spirit or just blew his mind, insofar as he stayed put wholesale replica designer handbags until cops arrived and arrested Replica Bags him for robbery and the lesser replica Purse charge of public dipshittery Replica Handbags.